What do you do if you feel abandoned by Spirit; when life throws so many hurdles in your path that you can’t believe it’s possible for you to get past them safely; when you ask “Why” a million times and can’t figure out an answer? Many of us have been there. Here’s my experience:
A little over a year ago, I was on a roll with my career. I was finally doing what I wanted to do – reaching people around the world who needed help and support for healing. I felt so happy that all of my hard work was paying off. The struggles that my son and I had gone through with our health were justified as I was able to pass on the wisdom I’d gained from our experiences with our recovery and through my education in natural health. And then, in an instant, I slammed on the brakes, because I discovered that I had a serious, undiagnosed health condition that had been completely out of my awareness. I was utterly shocked to realize that the strange symptoms I’d been experiencing for a few years actually had a connection to an actual disease, and that neither I, nor any other healer or intuitive that I knew had picked up on the fact that I had developed type 1 diabetes.
It was early December and I awoke in the middle of the night with a strange burning sensation in my feet. I did some energy clearing/healing work and went back to sleep. But the next night, it happened again. Was it some kind of message from Spirit that was trying to get my attention? I listened, but heard nothing. In the morning, I went to my computer and googled “burning pins and needles in feet.” I immediately scoffed when I saw the word "diabetes" pop up in connection to neuropathy, because all I knew about diabetes was that it was a disease connected to lifestyle and diet issues. I had no education about type 1 and that it's an autoimmune disease. However, I was concerned about the pain, so I took the time to further research. To my dismay, I saw a list of every one of the strange symptoms I’d been experiencing for the last few years: Extreme, never-ending hunger and thirst, frequent urination, blurry vision, unexplained and uncontrollable weight loss, genital burning and pain, fatigue, crankiness, nausea and headaches, and the newest one, neuropathy.
Oh my god, do I have diabetes?
There was only one way to find out. I rushed out and bought a glucometer and some test strips. With a prick of my finger and one drop of blood, I had my answer. Yes, I certainly did. My blood glucose level was over 350. That was with the organic diet I followed, which included no sugar, no grains, and no dairy. A test of the average glucose in my blood over the last three months confirmed my diagnosis: My A1c was 12.4 percent – extremely dangerous and very high.
In the weeks and months that followed, as I struggled to gain control of my blood sugar and to begin healing my body from the complications of the disease, I felt a strong loss of my sense of spiritual faith. As I brought my blood glucose levels down, the pain in my feet escalated to an unbearable level and I couldn't walk, stand, sit, lie down, or sleep without feeling it - it was absolutely torturous. Of course, I was upset about the disease and the pain, but my feeling of spiritual abandonment stemmed from the fact that the development of it went unnoticed by myself and everyone else in my life. LADA (Latent Autoimmune Diabetes of Adulthood) develops over time. My symptoms were obvious, if only I or anyone I was connected to had recognized them. I felt lost, afraid, and definitely abandoned by The Light. I put on the parking break to my work as a lightworker for others and put all of my effort into getting my health under control.
Even throughout the emotional and physical pain I was going through, I knew that Spirit had not really abandoned me. In retrospect, I think there were several times throughout the last several years when I was likely in diabetic ketoacidosis (DKA), a potentially fatal situation that occurs from having high blood glucose levels. I never wanted to go to the emergency room when I was vomiting and feeling horrible (symptoms of DKA), so I’d pray and ask for healing and use every bit of my knowledge of how to do energy healing to work on myself. After the first few times it happened, I received strong intuitive guidance to stop following a high carb, vegan diet (a type 1 diabetic produces no insulin to process glucose from carbohydrates). So when I was finally diagnosed, although I felt that I had needlessly suffered for several years, I knew that I had also been taken care of. And yet, I didn’t feel ready to come back to the lightwork I had been doing because I wasn’t completely at peace with what had happened. Actually, I was really angry.
As most of us know, there’s no point in asking a why question because we don’t get the answers we’re looking for. When we ask “Why,” the answer is “Because.” Just because. But, when I asked, “What do I need to know about this experience that I can use to help other people?” Well, the answers were very obvious. In fact, I made a whole website to share the information that I never would have had if I hadn’t gone through this experience at all: www.healthydiabetescontrol.com
To add insult to injury, I went back to working full time in my previous career as a music teacher so that I would have health insurance to pay for all of my diabetes supplies. It wasn't an easy task as I was still dealing with the intense neuropathy pain. However, thanks to some tight compression stockings (thank you, my Guidance!), I was able to walk and stand and even sleep at night. About a month into the fall semester, I developed a chronic cough, which eventually led to the loss of my voice. After 2 ½ months of coughing, at my persistent urging, the administrator opened the vents in my classroom and discovered that they were filled with black mold and that the air filter hadn't been changed for at least a year. Now, I was dealing with missing my beloved career as a writer, speaker, and healer, dealing with the roller-coaster of type 1 blood sugar issues, and sick from a hypersensitive reaction to the black mold, dust, and VOCs in my classroom where I'd been spending 9 hours a day for the last 4 months.
I felt that familiar sense of spiritual abandonment returning even stronger. I was extremely depressed. By this time, my voice had really suffered and I could barely talk and I couldn't sing at all (I adore singing), which made it impossible to be a music teacher. I didn’t even pose the why question; I knew that there wouldn’t be an answer. I asked for guidance about what to do to help myself to recover. I began doing physical detoxification, and after two weeks of being away from the school (it was winter break), I started to regain my ability to talk and the coughing began to lessen. I knew that I couldn't return to that toxic environment. Heartbroken to leave my students, I resigned from my job. Two days later, I woke up with an intuitive clarity that I hadn’t felt for a year: I was being given a new energy technology for clearing the root cause of autoimmune diseases and allergies. My intuition was back on. My health was improving. My emotional state was uplifted. I was ready to come back to life.
My message, as always, is this: Never give up. Don’t give up on Spirit, and don’t give up on your body’s ability to heal itself. And remember, you are Spirit, so don’t give up on yourself. You’re important, and you’re needed on this planet to bring light here. I’m grateful to my husband, my son, and my dear friends for reminding me of all of these truths, especially when I felt so lost and spiritually alone. I made it through the worst part, and I’m going to keep going forward with all of my might to be my light here and do what I came here to do.
I want to share some music with you that I listened to every single day throughout my year of healing. It's from the 2017 Tony Award winning musical, Dear Evan Hansen, and it's called "You Will Be Found." It always lifts me up and makes me remember that even when the pain and the struggle seem to be too much to bear, I am never, ever abandoned. I have to keep my head up and push through the darkness until I feel the light again, but that doesn't mean that the light wasn't with me all along, guiding me through those dark moments.
We know that there are physical, genetic factors at play within every health condition we experience. But, sometimes the diseases develop, and sometimes they don’t, despite the genetic predisposition to them. Epigenetics has shown us that there are factors beyond our physical genes that determine whether or not the conditions we are predisposed to will become activated within us. These factors are many, and are centered around environmental toxins. But, I developed type 1 diabetes without a family history of the disease, which lead me to wonder: What are the possibilities for developing diseases that we are not genetically set-up to experience? My husband developed heart disease at age thirty-nine without obesity, smoking or a family history of the disease. Are we living in a world in which anyone is susceptible to any disease? Do our lifestyle choices determine exactly what diseases we will experience, or it is random? Do we develop diseases and health conditions based upon our mental beliefs and emotional states as we go through our lives? Or more spiritually, it is somehow written in the stars what are destined to experience? These are questions that beg answers because a one-size fits all treatment to stop symptoms simply does not work. Unless we can get to the root cause of the issues, they cannot be fully resolved. But, what are the root causes?
When I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes, I was a already a practicing Natural Health and Holistic Nutrition Consultant, living a very natural and healthy lifestyle. Several well-meaning friends reached out to me offering their best advice for why I had developed it and what I needed to do to resolve it. I also saw several different alternative health professionals, who also offered their advice. From herbs to crystal bed therapy, I was advised to use natural approaches to stop the debilitating disease I had developed for no apparent reason as a forty-something-year-old, otherwise healthy person. Of course, as it is well-known, these will not end the lack of insulin issue in type 1 diabetes. And neither will the judgmental advice I received from several friends and one Traditional Chinese Medicine practitioner, which was that I had developed type 1 diabetes due to my controlling personality. I had actually paid $85.00 to sit in this practitioner’s office and be told that my energy was low and that he would not treat me until I developed a healthier lifestyle (Really? Me?) and stopped being so controlling. In truth, there was one thing that desperately needed my control and I wasn’t able to accomplish through diet and exercise or any amount of deep breathing that he wanted me to do – my blood sugar.
If I had let go of control, I probably would not still be here. If I had accepted that the root cause of this terrible disease is an aspect of my personality that I was being told is negative, then I would have ended up in the ER in diabetic ketoacidosis, which is a potentially fatal condition that occurs when blood glucose is not controlled and it goes too high. If I had believed that I was flawed because people who barely know me had read somewhere that diabetes (with no differentiation between type 1 and 2) is the result of having a controlling personality, I would have given up in my efforts to find a way to not end up in DKA. If the pancreas is unable to regulate blood glucose levels by producing insulin, then it is my responsibility if I chose to stay alive, to do it to the best of my ability myself. Likewise, for a type 2, if the body is being resistant to insulin, it is up to that person to do what is necessary to become more insulin sensitive (through diet, weight loss and consistent exercise) and stop the resistance so that the cells can uptake the glucose and use it for energy. If anything, diabetes requires us to access the part of our minds and personalities that allows us to be as responsible and controlling as possible in order to save our organs and our lives. Could it be that somewhere along the way, people misinterpreted ancient teachings, that instead said that the solution to diabetes and even some other health conditions is to incorporate as much positive control into our lives as possible? Control is not the reason for our downfall. For surely, if a type 2 diabetic had been controlling their diet and lifestyle well, they would not have developed type 2, even despite a genetic predisposition. And how can a tiny child who has not even begun its life on earth have a fatal disease like type 1 because they are over-controlling. None of it makes sense. It’s BS and this type of spreading of untruths hurts people.
I get really fed up with the holistic health and wellness community purporting ideas that are not based in reality. They will often leave science out of the picture and just pass on what they have been taught or have heard. They will tell you to do things without having ever experienced them for themselves. When I was first diagnosed, I followed Dr. Joel Fuhrman’s “The End of Diabetes” diet. It is a high carb, low fat, vegan diet. Mind you, I was already underweight from having type 1 undiagnosed. The more of these foods I ate, the worse my control was. I would spike high even with insulin every single time I ate. Dr. Fuhrman did not claim to be able to reverse type 1, but he did recommend the diet for type 1 diabetics to be able to reduce their insulin needs. This make no sense whatsoever. So now I was controlling my diet in completely the wrong way to be able to control my blood glucose levels. This is negative control. But, again, it isn’t the control part that is negative, it is the incorrect approach that is.
So, after about 6 months of living on the intense roller coaster of blood glucose and insulin from a high carb diet, I decided to find another way. I found Dr. Richard Bernstein’s Diabetes Solution, which recommends a high protein, low carbohydrate approach. Lo and behold, the spikes and the roller coaster completely stopped. But, if I didn’t completely adhere to the diet, I would spike again. This approach to control is positive. Spiking too high can result in DKA. Going too low due to giving too much insulin for high carbohydrate intake results in dangerous hypoglycemia. To me, this is simply living out of control, as many diabetics do.
The definitions of the word, control, do not imply negativity. The Merriam-Webster Dictionary provides these meanings of the word:
When we add the definition of positive, which is, having good effect, we end up with a type of control that is meaningful and helpful.
So, what is the root cause of my adult onset type 1 diabetes? I know that I’m not healing it or resolving it by the dietary approach I follow in order to keep myself safe. I do know that this control is allowing me to live a healthy life and protect my organs and nerves from being damaged by high blood glucose levels. But how am I to resolve the fact that my body is not producing endogenous insulin? If I knew the answer to this, I would be able to help every type 1 person, including myself. My intuition tells me that I had an exposure to a virus that is the root cause, but I have been unable so far to resolve the damage and to rid myself of the virus. But that doesn’t mean I will give up and stop trying. Is this negative control? No! I completely do not believe that it is.
If we surrender ourselves to the toxicity of this world, we are doomed to suffer, and our families are doomed to suffer. We have to rise up. We have to fight. We have to say, I will do whatever it takes to be healthy and to ensure a healthy life for my children and their children. We have to continue to learn. We have to listen to real, unadulterated, unbiased science. If we didn’t cleanse our water, we would die from waterborne diseases. Are we wrong for controlling our water cleanliness? Of course, we are not! We have to continue to find ways to rid our world of toxins and not add more to it. We have to take steps to prevent the diseases from developing that we carry a predisposition to in our genetics by living a clean lifestyle. And we have to do the best we can to navigate a world in which there exist so many toxic energies that can become entangled with our own and cause extreme suffering in our lives without our even being aware.
A few months after my diagnosis, my husband asked me to see the psychologist in the Diabetes Center office. After talking to me for forty-five minutes, she asked, “Why are you even here? There’s nothing wrong with you and there’s really nothing I can say that is helpful because you are doing fine.” I told her that members of my family believed I was in denial about my diagnosis because I was trying to resolve it. She told me that I was mentally healthier than most of the people she sees who refuse to take responsibility and control their lifestyles. She said that I was not in denial, I was just trying to stay healthy and not give up hope that there was a solution. Then she sent me on my way. Once again, affirming that control can be a positive thing.
I have worked with children and adults all over the world who are experiencing chronic health conditions. In each case, there has been a need to instigate positive control over their environments and lifestyles. If toxins have damaged parts of the body, we have to exert our control over them in order to detoxify ourselves, or they will overtake our lives. By the time people contact a health professional, the toxins have unfortunately already accomplished this. But we can still do the work to detoxify our bodies so that we have a chance to heal and to recover. I will never give up on myself to be able to heal. I will not give up on science to find a way to understand about entanglement and how it affects our health and well being. I will not give up on my ability to exert positive control over my life in order to create the healthiest conditions possible for myself to be able to live on this toxin-filled planet. And I will not believe any person that tells me that I am flawed or wrong for this.
As a person with Type 1 diabetes, I know a lot about what works and does not work for maintaining healthy blood glucose levels. When I was first diagnosed, I was actually misdiagnosed with Type 2 diabetes. This is because I was 45 years old. Although it seemed ridiculous that someone as thin as I was and who ate as mindfully as I did would have Type 2 diabetes, I took my (mis)disagnosis seriously and moved full-force into attempting to reverse the disease.
I studied and implemented vegan diets by Dr. Joel Fuhrman and then Dr. Gabriel Cousins. Neither worked at all to lower my extremely high blood glucose levels. I exercised just like these doctors said to do, and I ate exactly what I was supposed to eat. It was mind-numbingly frustrating to read about all of the people who were able to be successful using their protocols, and yet I was only failing miserably. Afterall, I hadn't been eating a SAD (Standard American Diet) in the first place and I didn't have anything to detox from my diet, which is part of what these diets would accomplish. I had already started on an insulin pump, but I couldn't stop the spikes I would get after eating.
After 6 months of this craziness, I took matters into my own hands and went a completely different way. I found Dr. Richard Bernstein's Diabetes Solution book and implemented his low carb/high protein diet for diabetes. The results were immediate. Blood glucose levels were significantly lower and I stayed consistently below 140 mg/dl.
Dr. Bernstein's method works for Type 1 and Type 2 diabetes. I recommend it with all of my heart for Type 1's. Type 2's have to figure out exactly what they need before choosing a diet. If they need to detox due to an unhealthy lifestyle, I recommend Dr. Fuhrman's low fat/vegan diet. If they need to lose weight, they will do so on either diet. I do not recommend a raw vegan diet, however, as I feel strongly that it does not provide enough vitamin B12 and protein. (Please keep in mind when I say this that I was a vegan for almost 25 years of my life.)
The priority for Type 2's is to lose weight. There are two ways to lose weight through diet:
1. Significantly limit carbohydrates and eat healthy fats and protein - LC/HP&F
2. Significantly limit fats and eat carbs and protein - HC/LF
If you combine carbs and fats, you will not lose weight. If you continue to eat carbs, you will force your body to make more insulin, which will make you gain weight. So I don't recommend the low fat/vegan option for the long-term.
Again, the second choice is not for Type 1's, who are physically unable to naturally process the glucose from carbohydrates. Eating large amounts of carbs will cause bg spikes and force you to use a lot of exogenous insulin. Using a lot of insulin will result in dangerous lows from hypoglycemia.
If you have any type of diabetes, run, do not walk, to find Dr. Bernstein's Diabetes Solution book. It will empower you to save your life and prevent the complications that occur from having consistently high blood sugars.
For more about healthy diabetes control, visit my informative website: www.healthydiabetescontrol.com